Am I dying

Am I dying

Well of course I am, we all are, that's one of the wonderful presents we get for being born. This morning though I just wish I were dead. I've had some type of throat ailment from sinus infections to tonsilitus since early december. When I get home, I think I'll go kick my doctors ass. Yesterday I finished up the last bit of medicine for the tonsilitus he diagnosed last week and I feel nearly worse than I did before I started it. I'm all for drugs that make you feel better but I think with the fact that I've been prescribed the same medicine 3 times in under 2 months, I think my body is simply rejecting medicine.

Maybe I do just need more sleep as some of my friends say or maybe there's something I dont know. I dont want to die as I'm sure most people would feel the same way. I dont expect that I'll live forever either. We hear all the time in the news or tv of people keeling over. Death is a subject of which I have a morbid fascination. It terrifies me because I do believe in a higher power and I dont believe that I've led a great life. I've always tried to be the best person I could but at the same time I do have my vices and they dont always agree with what we're taught in church on sunday mornings. By the way, I guess I should mention that I've not been to church regularly since before college but I do believe. Our pastor at my home church always said that "Church is in the heart, not necessarily this building where we all meet". I've always remembered that. I'm not dying but when I feel crappy like this , it always reminds me that ay day could be our last. It's still a scary thought but it's an inevitablity that one day will come true.