Parallels

CopyCatting

Yeah, you could say that I'm copy catting myself since I've been posting to two blogs the last few days. They're both personal but I think I've already let more slip here than anywhere else so maybe that means this is my favorite or something.

It was another boring day at work and on the boards of my favorite site. Can OT really affect your mood? I'm beginning to seriously wonder about that. I notice that the day seems to go faster when there is lots of activity on the boards. It's like a welcome distractiion from all the annoying people yelling in my ear all day. From time to time, I just tune the customers out completely and read as I pretty much know what their issue is and can fix it without their input remotely. Of course then I get snapped back to reality when they ask me a question about what they just said and I have go, come again?

Oh well...before last week I was super excited about this week and couldn't wait for sunday to get here. I was going to see my love again and make passionate love or so I thought. I can't really be upset though, we live in different states and had already discussed that we weren't exactly trying to move so I should be happy that she found someone. Ok it still felt like a kick in the nutts. It will still be nice to see her only now I'm very much confused as to how I'm going to feel. We both had/have other lovers and I hadn't really expected that to change but ..... well there's nothing to say to that , that would make any sense anyway. I'm happy for her and one day will be happy for me.

I've met a really cool girl on the west coast and we've been having a lot of fun conversing and flirting and all that. BUT, therein lies the essence of my problems, I dont know if I'm afraid to get close to someone that actually lives within driving distance of me or if it's just my luck that women I could seriously date all live unreasonable distances away. Well, we may never know cause (and I'll never admit it again), I'm much too chickenshit to approach most women in the conventional sense. It's always been much easier to meet them online where rejection stings about as much as a cottonball to the head. Another truth, I actually feel attractive on the internet, not so much in person. I'm slowly growing into the fact that women DO actually find me attractive but the confidence to use that to be stronger in approaching is still a long ways off.

Wow...that's more than I ever really expected to reveal. I like to think I'm still a bit of a mystery even to myself.


Anyways, since my initial intent in coming here this afternoon was to paste my entry from my other journal, here it is:
I've posted twice in one day to my journal. With all the stuff I should be getting done in preparation for my trip this weekend I should be too busy to be bored but alas I'm bored. It's strange, it's not like there isn't enough work to do because there is and I've still got shit I gotta get done or check before I leave today. I think it's my addicition to the internet. I sprinkle lots of reading of my favorite sites into my day and the last few weeks things have been so slow that it's actually made the days seem slower.

It's been a quiet few weeks after-hours too. My maintstream friends that find this would freak if they knew some of the stuff I've gotten into on weekends. This week has been filled with picking up the kids after school and playing with them till they fall asleep each night. Mom's not been feeling well so after 6 months of being unacceptable, I'm suddenly acceptable to be in their life again. What do I say??? Whatever I'll take it. Love is one of those things that I've struggled with my whole life but I know I love those kids and that's pretty much all that matters. There are a lot of options that I could have tonight (and I'm surprised that I can actually say that) but most likely I'll be with my kids and mama. I doubt I'll be able to talk my way out of staying tonight since I can't use work in the morning as an excuse and I know the boys would love for me to be there when they wake up in the morning. I have to admit that I like being home in the evenings cause it's given me a chance to flirt with my new buddy out west and chat with my nerdy friends from SB(they know who they are). I guess there's always next week when I'll be on the road and thus glued to my laptop every night in my hotel room. Gotta remember to set the vcr. That's pretty sad but not as sad as the fact that I honestly think my love affair with TV help cost me a relationship two years ago. Yeah sit back and chew on that one for a bit.

Ok enough of the most boring blog on the net. It's time for me to head off and pick up the kids. I'll be looking for you later...you know who you are.