Did I dream

The God Awful Truth
I woke up this morning still reeling from whatever has gotten ahold of my throat and sinuses. It felt good to get up yesterday and get out of the house though my whole day and maybe many days after would have been different if I'd just stayed home in bed.

So I woke up this morning and part of me wanted to feel like everything was still alright. I wondered if I'd just dreamt that yesterday happened. If maybe it was a Nyquil induced bad dream.
Unfortunately it was not, it was all real and a not so simple act of kindness proved to make a mess of yet another opportunity to right things.

I used to wonder if someone would ever love me. I now know it's possible and the question turns back to me now. Will I ever love enough to give up everything I know for one person? Am I capable of loving someone so much that I would ignore the rest of the world for them? I'm not saying that I've been asked to do that cause I haven't. But that's the kind of love I think it takes sometimes and I just dont know if I've reached that level. They say love is unconditional but that's a load of crap. Love is very conditional. What I've been trying to learn over the years are the conditions and levels and finding that level that lets you know you're ready to spend the rest of your life with someone.

An excerpt from an email I got from a friend recently.

As hard as it is to say this, and as hard as it is to hear it, sometimes people fall in love with the idea of being in love, and not the actual person. They put everything that they see as ideals about love into a little box that has no room for expansion. When they find out that the "person" that they "love" does not fit into that box, they change, and try to change what is happening around them so that they can feel that they were right.

I post that because while I know that the last part doesn't describe me, I worry about the first part. When someone waits so long for love, how does he know when it's the person and not the idea that he's fallen in love with. I dont want to make rash decisions and I dont want to make radical changes at the drop of a hat. I want to take my time to make sure that I'm doing the right thing. As a self-proclaimed lifer, when I do make the decision and walk down that aisle, I want it to be the only time I walk that aisle.