A Real Truth

I have just gotten bored or something with everything. I haven't blogged regularly in a long time and I haven't really been on OT with any regularity. The Real Truth about it. I dont miss it. I'm just not as invested in it anymore and there are reasons for that of course. I can't put blame on anyone but myself and how I've come to realize that I'm not an insider anymore but more of an outsider. I used to interact with a lot of people and considered a lot of them friends but I stopped interacting with people. Like most people, I want to be popular but have realized that not being popular doesn't make me any less of anything. I suppose I've found happiness and comfort with me and to an extent that has lessened my constant need for the approval of others. I consider that a good thing.

Now, bad things. I also realize that I have quirks as does every living person. Some quirks can be good, amusing and entertaining and others not so much. I've always been a loving person to my friends. Maybe not now but I've realized in the past, that's come off as kinda creepy to some of my female friends. The problem is, when you have a quirk, a lot of times you're the only one that doesn't realize you have it. I dont know if anyone I still know has ever felt that way about me but I apologize if there's anyone reading this that did feel that way. Once I knew my female friends were taken care of, (boyfriend, getting married, that sort of thing), I'd always worry less and therefore seem hopefully less creepy. Of course, this was all before I was married. I would definitely hope that I'm not getting too close to anyone these days besides my lovely wife.

Another quirk and one that shamefully I know that I still have. I'm a starer. If something or someone interesting, beautiful, hideous, you name it catches my eye, I cant help it. Luckily my wonderful wife doesn't shoot me on the spot when it's a woman in a dress that's too short or jeans that are too tight. I really dont want or mean to stare but I'm just wired like that and it does suck. Growing up and pretty much until I met my wife, I couldn't really talk to women but I also couldn't not stare when I saw a beautiful one. That isn't exactly the type of quality that makes them want to approach you or want you to approach them. Now I can be as blissfully unaware as I want though from time to time, I still stare. Just a force of habit.

I have other quirks I'm sure , some I'd just rather not share with world and others people probably can see in me even after knowing me for a short time. These were just two that always dogged me and that I've always wanted to be able to control better. I'm happy to say that love and marriage haven't had to erase all of my uniqueness and oddness but has made it easier to embrace and modify where necessary.

Why did I post this? I dont know. I think about these things all the time. Who doesn't want to be a better person or more liked or comfortable enough with themselves to not care if they're liked or not? Me for one.